Honey & Rowan - Every Word

 A few days passed. Rowan had been practicing his writing. He found out that Geeta was a writer in her pastime and she mentored him.

He put on the finishing touches to his song for Honey. It turned out he had poured much more of himself into it than he had originally meant to, but he was only sharing this song with Honey. 

Shadow helped of course. Now he just needed to sing it to her. He would try going to her house again tomorrow.

He just had one more thing he needed to do.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Rowan felt like his heart was in his throat. He reminded himself to just breathe. She let him in, but she avoided his gaze.

He was just happy to see her...

Honey: We can talk upstairs.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Rowan got his guitar out and they went to Honey's room. He sat on the bed to play, and she sat on the floor in front of him. It felt like a show for one.

Rowan: I won't try making excuses, and I know saying sorry isn't enough - so I wrote this song...

He took a deep breath and began to play and sing:

((TW: child abuse/SA - please skip the song if these are sensitive subjects for you.))

I grew up in empty rooms

Quiet halls and fading light.

Craving any warmth instead of the things

My body knew weren't right.

Silence felt like safety when any word

Could have me stuck between fight or flight.

When someone reached for me

I froze - not knowing what to do

Long before I ever met you.

Then you became my light

My home, my safest place.

Loving you has taught me words

I never knew my heart could make.

With you I was worth more

Than the boy I was believed.

And I meant every word

Every whispered story in the dark

Every promise we made.

And I meant it when I said

I love you.

Every promise, every breath -

I meant every word.

I never meant to break your heart;

in doing so, I broke my own.

So all I have to give you now

are these words I swear are true -

every word, every word.

I know how much it must have hurt

When I didn't turn away

That night I hurt you.

When someone reached for me

I froze - just like I always did

Long before I ever met you.

No words I say could take that back,

But believe me that I never meant for it to go this way - 

How I wish I could take that back.

All the fame I've gathered,

This big apartment and all the money,

All the songs I've written -

They're empty words without you, Honey.

And I'll understand if you can't forgive me,

But I'll be here waiting cause'

I need you here with me.

Because I meant every word.

And I meant it when I said

I love you.

Every promise, every breath -

I meant every word.

I never meant to break your heart;

in doing so, I broke my own.

So all I have to give you now

are these words I swear are true -

every word, every word.

You said you loved me too

And I'd give anything to hear those words again.

I meant every word I said to you,

I was supposed to be there for you,

To walk you home in the dark.

I pictured our future together.

And I meant every word.

So please forgive me

This hurt I've caused.

I wish I could take it back.

There's no one else but you,

You're my safe place

And I can still be yours -

I mean every word.

And I'll be here waiting

Right where you left me

Meaning every word

Every word. 

They sat in silence for a few minutes after he had finished singing. Finally, Honey met Rowan's gaze.

Honey: I knew you were left alone a lot as a kid, but I didn't know...

Rowan: I never told anyone before, but I want to tell you things now. I should have told you that I'd been running into Luz. I didn't realize she -

Honey: She came here and told me what happened.

Rowan: She did?

Honey: Yeah... There's something I should have told you too. I was afraid you would leave me and I wanted to talk it through with you, but I didn't get the chance and I wish I'd told you sooner.

Rowan: Why would I leave you?

Honey: Because of the city and the fame - I just thought...there'd be someone else eventually. So I let my fear take over and didn't give you the chance to explain. 

Rowan: About that. I let my record deal fall apart and I canceled my shows. I found a mentor in writing; Geeta, you remember her? Well, I applied to University for a Language and Literature degree. If it works out I would start next month. Once my lease is up, I'll move to Britechester. 

Honey was shocked.

Honey: You're giving up music?

Rowan: Not giving it up...just stepping out of the spotlight I guess. The fame isn't for me. And a big empty apartment is just...a big empty apartment. I'm ready for something else now.

Honey: I was going to go to University too after school...

Rowan: Then we could be there together.

Honey: Rowan... I still have a lot of fear - and anger too - if I'm being honest. I still need some more time before things can be like they were between us.

Rowan: Take as much time as you need. I'll wait.

Honey: Thank you.

Rowan: Can I...take you on a date?

Honey: Yes, I'd like that.

Rowan: Is tomorrow okay?

Honey: ...I think I'm free tomorrow.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Notes: I'm not a songwriter, so forgive me if it feels choppy. It hints at some things from Rowan's past, but as it's a sensitive topic I didn't want to go very deep into it. So that's why he froze up when Luz went in to kiss him...so I do hope you all can forgive him (I'm looking at you Carly and Carly's watcher lol).